When you thought you’d dealt with this Stuff !
OMG, I was assisting on a mastery level healing course…
Let me paint you a picture….
So, there I am, feeling calm, content, and frankly a little, dare I say, smug… I have done the course, I work on myself regularly, I’m doing pretty great
And BANG ! The next layer of deep “stuff and beliefs” start to rear their ugly heads, call it being ready, Full moon…whatever ! I was unprepared…
I found myself feeling and being betrayed by people who, once “ friends” or trusted peers are now pushing my buttons, ignoring me or being hostile, and some being outwardly rude to me.
So, as a “good “ healer/humanoid” obviously I think “this must be my crap” coming up to be healed, right?
I start to think…
I can’t trust anyone
I can’t have loyalty to anyone
No point having or making friends because they will betray me in the end
I don’t belong with these people
I belong nowhere
Now, most of you can see how this could get pretty dark and destructive fast if I were to keep this train of thought, and I can’t say that I was able to shift easily out of these feelings…. They built up with small incidents and culminated with a final “ betrayal” and I was really ready to throw the towel in for “ positivity” ( At least for a while).
I wanted to go home, close myself in and hide.
Anyone resonate?
Thankfully, I have built some wonderful friendships, and sent an energetic distress call for a concerned healer friend to come to my rescue. ( sometimes we can all do with some help)
I realised that I’d been doing lots of healing on myself while keeping my hidden divine light ( just that small spark) locked away deep, deep down…
And if you’re not showing all of you, the energy you send out is never as bright or as pervasive as when you are totally open.
Now, I had some really weird and core ancestral stuff going on….
Some twisted and frankly very limiting beliefs going on…
Beliefs that :
Trust not only has to be 100% but basically is trusting with my life (a really wise amazingly psychic healer once said about me, “she is fiercely loyal and will fight for her friends and justice with her life if needs be”, she wasn’t wrong!!) and I was strengthening it by studying self defence, martial arts etc in my life for over 30years!!
That sounds so good and idealistic, but really, how many people do you know that you could say you’d trust 100% with your life ? For me it was 1!!!
A highly restricting belief.
loyalty – When I gave my loyalty to someone, it could never be broken, even if it violated my own alignment, or justice of the greater environment. Wow !
SAFETY – A huge one was that safety for me meant having to protect myself always.
And safety = protection is a really exhausting belief to carry and hadn’t surfaced before, I’d keep downloading or bringing the feeling of safety into me and was really just putting more walls up.
So after lots of trust building by my talented friend, ( I didn’t make it so easy)
We managed to shift and dissolve this really old Templar knight energy, loyal to king until death etc
I felt relief from not having to feel always on guard to be safe
I felt in my power by knowing that I could have levels of trust, and I brought my model of how trust works up to date.
I can lean into my intuition even more and know that just because a person may seem spiritually evolved, doesn’t make them a person I should blindly trust.
I am not ruled by old beliefs of who I must let into my heart because of society or cultural rules.
I can be loyal to someone while staying in alignment with myself, and remove that loyalty when the alignment shifts, wow, such a choice…
It’s OK to make mistakes and by opening my guarded heart, I can heal quicker and more people can come in and support me….
So back to the real life events that were happening, they were real, not imaginary… and I made a decision on the spot that someone’s else’s actions, directed at me or their own… that it was simply unacceptable to allow myself to be treated that way. I did make corrections and today I feel proud of myself, confident and more empowered.
Because being in that energy of empowerment means that I am honouring myself, my emotions, my integrity and the divine light that is me.
My “weapon of choice” is no longer hiding, running away, fighting… it is now, expanding, leaning into love and sending my bright energetic light far and strong.
I’m practising this regularly, keeping that once hidden spark open and shining.
And let me bring you in on a secret……
When you hide away the universe can’t see you….
How well do you think you manifest those amazing things you desire?
